6 BDSM / Kink

Chapter 6: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism  (BDSM) / Kink

Amer is a gay man of 65 who has been struggling with panic attacks and nightmares following witnessing a person committing suicide at a tube station some months ago. After some time he reveals that he has something to say which has been holding him back from talking about all aspects of his life: the fact that he has that he is a 24-7 BDSM relationship as a slave for his partner, Jordan.

Think about

• What is your formulation/understanding of the key issues for Amer?
• What does his being a slave mean to you?
• What themes can you imagine emerging as you continue?
• What assumptions might you bring to this?
• How would you proceed?

It is important to let Amer know that you have some understanding of BDSM practices and relationships. If you find 24/7 BDSM relationships difficult to understand, bracketing as far as possible, or, if necessary referring on will be useful. Given the trust shown you in the disclosure, acknowledgement of the bravery and assurances of confidentiality are usually welcome.

24/7 can mean different things to different people, but generally implies some sense of BDSM being a more integral part of a relationship than the odd kinky scene. For example, Amer may explain that Jordan and he always take the same D/s roles in their sexual life, and that they also organise aspects of their domestic life in this way. For example, Amer always serves Jordan his evening meal, and they have a regular spanking session every evening. Amer also always wears a discrete collar underneath his clothes to signify Jordan’s ownership of him. However, in many aspects of the relationship Amer takes control such as finances and social events.

You could usefully explore with Amer whether the BDSM aspect of his life relates to the issue which brought him to you at all. It may not be, or he may say, for example, that he finds the daily spankings to be the one time he can really forget about what happened, and he has some worries that his focus on the suicide, and death more broadly, is taking away from the pleasure he used to gain from serving Jordan.

In this way a fuller understanding of Amer’s life and coping mechanisms will allow you to formulate an appropriate way forward according to your professional role.